Dear Mom I’m a single dad

Dear Mom I’m a single dad,

I didn’t expect to be single ever again. Remember how you said a relationship will only work if both people feel equally lucky to have the other around? Those are words to live by. It has always worked for me in the past. When I met Diane I was sure this one would last forever. At first I thought I was the rebound guy. She had a messy divorce, as if there is another kind, and I was just what she needed to get through this trying time. But as time went by we grew closer together and it seemed as if it would last forever. I felt very lucky to have her around and she told me the same every day. She had two kids from a previous marriage they were great. I thought they were a little damaged from an overbearing father that seemed to be a little too much of a disciplinarian and perhaps a little passive aggressive at times so they never knew where the line was, but they were darling and so wonderful to be around. Her mother came to visit and eventually just stay. She was not the ideal mother-in-law, she did not have a driver’s license, Diane did not trust her to baby-sit and she was kind of messy, but she had a warm heart and was really never any trouble.

You taught me that divorced mothers were a package deal. I knew all too well what happened if I did not realize everyone of those girls was part of the package. I fell in love with all of them.

On our wedding day she professed how I was the finest man she had ever met. I am sure, not in small part to the fine job you did raising me. It was a great speech, straight from the heart and not a dry eye in the house. I had written this well prepared poetic vow that under normal circumstances would have stolen the show, but it was completely one-upped by her testimony of love. I felt so lucky.

She had kids that were almost teenagers and I was sure she did not want anymore. I never thought for a moment that wasn’t part of the deal. I cannot tell you how excited I was when she announced she thought we could have a baby. We had talked about it, but I never expected her to take this step. She was always talking about retirement, vacations, walking around the house naked, I never thought another kid was on her mind.

We had this perfect plan, we would have the baby at the beginning of Summer break. That way she could have two to three months with the baby before she had to start class again and it would be in front of campaign season for me. We mapped out the calendar and aimed for the first week in June. Usually you would expect this to be a recipe for disaster. Wouldn’t you know it Claire was born June 5th.

There were nights lying in bed with the baby falling asleep on my chest and my wife on my arm where I knew this was what happiness looked like. I could not imagine a more perfect feeling. I could not fathom that there was any endeavor in all the world that would be more rewarding.

A year later she was gone and I was a single dad. At first she just walked out. Claire and I were basically on our own. A few months later she would drop by most evenings for an hour or so with Claire but usually as she was going to bed. I was walking on eggshells most of the time. I did not like the situation but I did not want a terrible custody fight and I surely did not want a terrible custody fight that ended with me seeing Claire every other weekend. So I endured. Our arrangement was working but she filed completely different papers and we had a terrible custody battle.

In the end, Claire lived with me. It was such a victory. I remember thinking it was cooler than winning an election. Now Claire sees her mom every other weekend and I am a single dad.

Everyday something happens and I think “I bet my mother would know something about this.” I often find myself in a situation and I wonder what you would have done. You never take time to prepare yourself for things like this. You prepare for a house with a picket fence then you look forward to a time when it is there.

Often when Claire and I are doing something distinctly father and daughterly I wonder if you ever imagined I would need to be prepared for this. How could you have had such vision?

I don’t worry about being a single dad anymore. But occasionally I fear where my life would be if I wasn’t. Thanks Mom.

Love Mike