Dear Mom I still have that hat

Dear Mom I still have that hat.

I still have the hat you gave me when I shaved my head. Cookie called me and said you had pulled a hand full of hair out of your head that morning in the shower and just decided you would shave it all off. A good decision. Don’t worry about your hair falling out, just declare victory and shave it off. I had thought about that day a few times and had already decided what I was going to do. I walked into the bathroom, picked up my trimmer took off the clipper blade and went to town. It came off surprisingly easy. No snags, no tangles and a nice even cut. I will admit I did shave in a Mohawk that I admired in the mirror for maybe 15 seconds then I shaved it too. Then I picked up my razor and started neatened it up. The pile of hair in the sink was sat there and looked particularly alien. I did not really feel like it was mine even when I looked at the mirror. It was strange. Once finished, I picked up the trash can and shoved all the hair in it.

It is funny having your head shaved for the first time. You take for granted how much your hair keeps you warm. Standing in your kitchen when you got home from the beauty salon, you walked in and went “Ta Da!” I said, “Doesn’t your head feel cold?” “Not really.” You answered, then I took my ball cap off and you stared at my bald head. We hugged and you felt my head and I felt yours. We went into the foyer and looked into the mirror. I was so glad I had started to grow a beard. Without it we would have looked exactly alike. I had never really noticed before how much I looked like my mother. Nose, head shape, jaw line, it was eerie.

I guess I must have said something about my head being cold once too often. A few days later you surprised me with the Hanna Hats cap you got from Sheehan’s. It was a little loose but you assured me it would fit better when my hair grew back.

“What if it never does?” I joked. “It’ll be fine.” You said in the way only a mother can reassure someone.

I got a lot of use out of that hat. I didn’t grow my hair back till a year after you died. It kept me warm, saved me from sunburn and became a companion. I could not do without it. It has been on four continents with me, survived my marriage, being grabbed by drunk women in pubs, being blown off by hurricane force winds, rain, snow, and I swear it looks just as it did that first day I put it on.

If I tell Claire to go get my hat, even though I have 20 hats in the hallway, it is the one she brings me.

Thanks for the h at mom.

Love Mike